Wednesday, January 10, 2018

SATIRE: MAMATA DIDI AND HER CHAMCHA THIEFS

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I read this shameful news that a delegation of senior journalists, who accompanied Mamata Banerjee to London, on an official visit, actually stole Silver Cutlery in a luxury hotel. When the Hotel staff noticed this theft being live streamed, they reprimanded the journalists. There were not one but many of them who were caught red handed. One guy even refused to accept his crime but gave in once the CCTV footage was shown to him. This guy had actually put the stolen cutlery in another scribe’s bag and thus was confident of not being caught. I managed to catch hold of one such guy.
He requested me not to reveal his name. And I promised him anonymity. Sometimes the act matters the most than the name. I asked him some hard questions and I must say that he put up a brave defense.
Me: How does it feel to be caught red handed?
Senior Journalist: I feel bad that this time I was caught.
Me: You mean you have repeated this act elsewhere?
Senior Journalist: Well, apart from devouring delicious continental cuisines, I am fond of the cutlery in which the food is served. I have a mind blowing collection at home. The last time I was lucky enough to find a complete dinner set. I guess it was in nearby Mauritius.
Me: So, you are a repeat offender! You stole a complete dinner set? That’s unbelievable.
Senior Journalist: I like challenges. What is unbelievable is the fact that I failed to notice the hidden CCTV camera recording my act. I feel ashamed.
Me: So, you realize that you have put Mamata Didi to shame by your act?
Senior Journalist: Don’t put words in my mouth. I stick to my stand. I feel ashamed that I failed to notice the hidden CCTV.
Me: Mamata Didi might be really upset on you.
Senior Journalist: I feel sorry for letting her down. I swear by the Aadhar card, facilitated by her party workers the moment I arrived in Bengal, that I would be more careful in future. And she is a compassionate lady. There is no question of her being upset. The only time she was upset was when Modi asked her to link her Aadhar Card with her Bank Account.
Me: Aadhar Card facilitated by her workers? It is usually issued by government officials. You mean you are an illegal Bangladeshi migrant?
Senior Journalist: How can you accuse me of being a Bangladeshi? I have a similar Aadhar card as yours, digitally signed by the competent authority. The only thing is I will never link it to my bank account. I register my protest against this conspiracy. I don’t give the government the right to compromise my privacy by forcing me to link Aadhar Card to my Bank Account. I stand by Mamata Didi and will never link my Aadhar Card to anything.
Me: We can understand why you are annoyed. Coming back to the cutlery theft, we heard there were other senior journalists like you, who were caught red handed and they were really ashamed when asked to return the stolen items? It’s shocking to find so many of them involved in this act.
Senior Journalist: I cannot speak for others. I can only speak for myself. What is more surprising is this! There were also few gentlemen who only enjoyed the food and didn’t fancy any desire for the cutlery. I wonder what the criterion behind their selection was. There is no way they could be a part of a handpicked delegation to accompany the State’s Chief Minister on a foreign tour, if they only focused on the food. I mean, these days journalism is not merely reporting news. You have to add a sensation to it. And to me they appeared boring. The remaining, unknowingly crafted a sensational story around them. That is what reporting is all about.
Me: Don’t you think you are a blot on journalism?
Senior Journalist: Whatever I think hardly matters. What matters is a sensational Masala Story, that’s all. At the end of the day when I hit bed, I ask myself only one thing! Did I craft a sensational news story using my computer keys today? How many likes and shares it received on Facebook and Twitter? How many people actually got agitated after reading it? How many trolled and abused me? If the numbers are satisfactory then I get a sound sleep.
Me: One final question, don’t you think truth matters the most than sensationalism?
Senior Journalist: Yes, sometimes even that matters.
END OF INTERVIEW

Saturday, December 30, 2017

12 UNEXPECTED LESSONS POLITICIANS TAUGHT US IN 2017


2017 would go down as a historic year for Indians in record books. When it comes to the politicians of the country, apart from their usual politics, they have taught the citizens important lessons this year, which we must all remember and appreciate. However dirty politics one might have played in 2017, for grabbing power, we will only focus on the positive aspects and summarize the year on an optimistic note.
Here are the politicians and the unexpected but meaningful lessons they taught us.

1  1) PM Narendra Modi: I simply couldn’t believe that the nation celebrated a new tax regime on 1st July. I mean, when was the last time we or any other nation for that matter celebrated the introduction of a new tax structure? And we remained awake well past midnight to welcome the change. The ‘acche din’ was actually embracing us in its arms that night. Watching our PM on TV and listening to his hope filled speech ushered us into a historic AM the next morning.

2  2)  Rahul Gandhi: The grand old party stepped into a new era by electing, rather selecting, Rahul as their chief. The scion had been waiting to wear the party crown for way too long. The one thing he would be remembered for in 2017 is the moral victory sensed by him in the Gujarat election loss. Gone are the days when parties accepted the electoral defeat and announced on television that they would introspect and act as responsible opposition. Rahul taught us a new meaning of Moral victory.

3 3)  Arvind Kejriwal: He is the most innovative politician. For, he devices unique methods to seek attention, which politicians educated in ordinary colleges cant. When he wasn’t invited for the Magenta Metro Line inauguration recently, he started a campaign where in people were asked to donate to the party if they were angry. For the first time I realized that I could even donate something when I am angry. Or else it was always the other way round, donation usually made me happy.

4 4) Shashi Tharoor: He taught us that twitter was not only meant for trolling and making personal attacks on your opponents but it was also a medium to enhance your vocabulary. Certain words like Farrago and Rodomontade would remain etched in our minds forever. He should be declared the National English tutor for twitteraties. The kind of selfless teacher that he is, he wouldn’t even expect any Chillar in return for sure as guru dakshina J

5   5) Yogi Adityanath: Politicians don’t always wear white, some are wrapped in saffron. He has broken the usual Indian tradition where in a swami or spiritual head of a mutt was only considered as a guiding force for the ruler. By ascending to the CM’s throne, he not only signaled a new trend but also ignited a new hope in the hearts of several yogis. Just close your eyes and visualize a politician, if you see him wearing saffron rather than white, then it is the Yogi effect.

6   6) Hardik Patel: This young man has taught us that even politics can be outsourced. He is probably the first freelancing politician, who officially doesn’t belong to any political party, doesn’t have any ideology and agenda of development. But boosts of a large support base. We were accustomed to politicians seeking votes in the name of certain political party but here is a young man telling us not to vote for a particular party. He is like a cautioning, caring grandpa who cannot guide us but he will not even let us fall in a pit.


7   7)  Capt. Amarinder Singh: If there is someone who remained truly neutral in his views and given due credit to Modi and BJP, despite being in opposition, then it is Capt. Amarinder Singh. He is a level headed gentleman politician who was clear in his assertion that EVMs cannot be tampered. He looked for an amicable solution, without blaming anyone, when the smog engulfed Punjab and neighbouring states. He rejected Kejriwal’s twitter politics and welcomed Rahul as congress chief. He has been an epitome of neutrality and convinced us that there can be politics without spreading negativity.

8  8)  Nitish Kumar: He taught us that there can never be a wrong time to do the right thing. Despite enjoying the support of the Mahagathbandhan parties, he didn’t hesitate to express himself when he started feeling suffocated. He could have easily continued to be the chief minister of UPA for 5 years, but then he switched sides and risked being called an opportunist. He is someone who can open the doors of opportunity all by himself, without giving a chance for opportunity to knock.

9   9) Sushma Swaraj: By transforming her twitter profile into a visa enquiry system and a online grievance redressal portal, she has given a new meaning to twitter. Even Jack Dorsey and co. would be proud of her. For us, she is surely the soft natured magical teacher, McGonagall from Harry Potter series, who with the power of her wand has turned twitter (a bird’s call consisting of repeated light sounds) into a loud voice of humans in distress.

1  10) Amit Shah: He taught us how to achieve a victory of the Hulk size (UP), how a lost cause can be turned into victory(Goa and Manipur), and how opponents can be sent packing even when they are at the helm and you are done and dusted (Bihar), how to retain your present ground when the wind of opposition is blowing with all the might, right in your face (Gujarat), how to remain silent when you fail to rescue your friends and have little at stake( Punjab).

1  11) L K Advani: He quietly sank into oblivion, suppressing his ambitions, because his pupil is at the helm of affairs, calling the shots. Sometimes there is grace in silence and he has, without an iota of doubt, taught us how to be gracious when we are so close to our goal and yet that goal eludes us. (Hope you know the goal that I am referring to)

1  12) Dr. Manmohan Singh: He taught us that though silence (on 2G, CWG, Coal etc..) is golden, life is a merciless teacher which makes you speak (on Demonetization, GST, in the case of bizarre allegations against oneself during elections.........).
  
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